Archivist Blue

I broke up with Dave (again). I'm pretty sure that it's for good this time. Almost nine years in, I was tired of feeling like I was in a long distance relationship with someone who only lives two miles away. I was sick of lying to myself, and everyone else, and sick of second-guessing and wondering what I could do to make him love me more, what would push me closer to the top of his priority list.

I'm done with that shit.

We parted on good terms, as good as can be expected, but we're not going to try to be friends this time around. All it got us last time was an extra year in a dysfunctional relationship.

For now, I'm going to figure out what it is that I really want out of life, and pursue it. I'm considering either moving, or tearing my decrepit old house down and starting over. The vintage 1930 plumbing and electric just aren't doing it for me, and it needs a new roof, among other things.

One of these days I'll have Big News to share here that isn't depressing as hell.

That's a promise.

~Becky

Anybody want to go to the Northern Berks Reptile Show with me on April 26th? It's a Saturday.

I'm interested in picking up another snake or two, or maybe a lizard. Don't know that I'll actually have the cash for it, but it will at the very least be fun to look around. I've never been, but apparently it's pretty massive. They even have a section set aside for venomous snakes (don't worry, they're kept in locked plexiglass boxes, or similarly secure containers, for the duration of the show).

I'm going to particularly be on the lookout for Children's Pythons, Viper Boas, Sandhill Pythons, Womas, Whitelipped Pythons, Irian Jaya Carpet Pythons, Jungle Carpet Pythons, and Tokay Geckoes. Although I don't really see myself getting a lizard right away. I prefer the laid-back nature of snake keeping. I heartily approve of a pet that doesn't need fed more than once a week. I'll probably set up a few Sterilite bins with heat, light, and water before going, just in case I come home with cute, crawly things ♥

Soooo, who wants to come with?

*Crickets chirp*

Anybody?

~Becky

PS. The next show after that is August 2nd, if anyone would like to plan in advance for that one ♥

I am still in the process of job-hunting. Bronchitis had me down and out for a little over two weeks in January, and then I had school things to catch up on, but now the quest continues. I'm planning on applying next to CVS, and at least one of the local RightAids.

One thing that I have been forced to examine closely is my personal appearance. I already began wearing less ratty clothes in 2007 (except for activities like painting, exercising, and bumming around the house), but being clean and reasonably well-dressed is the bare minimum for job hunting at entry level. It would be good enough if I were a man, but the truth is that I am not only female, but very overweight right now, so extra effort is called for. I have spent the last two months paying obsessive attention to my skin, concocting my own facial scrubs and masks, and generally spending a lot more time in front of a mirror than I am usually comfortable with. My skin is finally to the point where I have the usual acne inflammation of a 24 year old, and not the seething, pustular mess that one expects to see on a teenage McDonald's employee. Definitely cause for celebration, but still not quite good enough.

Thus, I have grabbed the devil that is makeup by the horns, and am bending it to my will. It's not exactly easy, since I've avoided it all of my life, having considered it 1.) shallow, 2.) an absurd amount of effort, and 3.) troublesome to find products that do not feed my ravening acne beast. However, I am learning, and I am slowly beginning to like it, especially since I found things that don't make my face explode in a welter of greasy whiteheads. Unfortunately, now that I've grown to like the stuff, it is yet another thing to spend unnecessary amounts of money on, and as a conscientious feminist I still have guilty thoughts whispering in the back of my head. Does feeling pretty have to come at the cost of feeling like a tool?

( Continued under the cut. )

~Peace,

Archivist Blue

Well, I was going to be a good girl and practice dots, lines, and dagger strokes with the X-3, but my compressor is being evil. It makes a little whirring noise when I plug it in, then a popping sound, then nothing. Air compressing not happening.

I'm pissed as hell. It's a nice (i.e., expensive) compressor, and I followed the (admittedly vague) setup directions to the best of my knowledge. I put oil in (although I couldn't really read the level gauge for it at all, so I had to guess and hope ~_~), and unplugged it after using it last (I got all of two hours of use out of it before this crap). I'll admit, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with motors and things, but there was no dramatic moment of breakdown or anything. It worked the first time I used it, and now it just doesn't.

I should probably post to the airbrush.com forum for advice, but I suspect that it'll turn out to be some idiotic mistake on my part that they'll eat me alive for. Kindness to newbs is not emphasized there.

So now I'm bitching about it on LJ, instead of doing something productive with my time.

*Headdesk*

~Archivist Blue

Just pre-ordered a Badger Renegade "Velocity" airbrush as a birthday present to myself ♥

I was looking at Richpen and Iwata for a fine detail brush originally, but the idea of spending $300 on a brush when I can barely use my clunky Peak X-3 about makes me choke. I've heard good things from artists who have tested the Renegade line, and the price and ease of finding replacement parts is a selling point as well.

I'll have to practice with that clunky X-3 some more, in order to be more prepared for a more detail-oriented airbrush.

I mostly plan to use airbrush for doing doll face-ups and body blushing, custom My Little Ponies, and maybe some textile things here and there. However, my mom wants me to illustrate a children's book that she wrote, so I may do some plain old illustration with it as well. Feels like it's been forever since I did any 2-D work. I feel rusty enough to give a person Tetnis.

In the meantime, my airbrush skillz are minimal at best.

I guess if I'm going to strive for perfection, I'd better go practice!

Peace,

~Archivist Blue

PS... After spending most of my internet time on doll-related forums lately, reading through an airbrush forum has been an eye opening experience. Talk about male-dominated! Makes me feel like throwing a tea-party with lace, and ruffles, and fluffy bunnies to purge all of the testosterone.

PPS... No more bats. *Knock on wood*

In the midst of playing Wii bowling, I noticed a peculiar flapping sound. Then I heard the more familiar crashing sound of my cats on a rampage. They were after (you guessed it!) a bat.

Now, I once had a bat in the house in the middle of summer, which probably got through a hole in one of my window screens, but in January? A little bit unexpected.

I opened my front door to try and persuade it outside, but after a few minutes of confused flapping, it crawled up into a hole in my ceiling.

A hole. In my ceiling.

That doesn't bode well.

The hole is temporarily patched, but I am now left to wonder if I have a small colony of bats living in my rafters, or if this evening's guest was a rogue agent. I feel bad that he came out of hibernation, as he probably won't last the winter because of it, and hope that I haven't disrupted an entire colony. I really do love bats.

Just, not in my house, please.

Yours,

~Archivist Blue

Hooray! Of course, I haven't managed to photograph any of them, except for the least impressive thing. Said thing being a wig that I made for my Volks SDC Kurt. Of course, now he has nifty hair, but I still haven't sewn him any clothes. So forgive the doll nudity. It's not like you can see his boybits in these pictures, any way.

( Cutting the images like a good girl... )

Made from some fur remnants that I had laying around, sewn by hand, and styled with love. And saliva ♥

Signed Your Friendly Local Master of Dolly Minions,

~Archivist Blue

PS... ( Daemon Meme )

So, last night I had an epic dream about being kidnapped by pirates, and forced to join their crew. To make me officially one of them, I had to wear an ID tag around my neck. It looked suspiciously like a con badge. Dave was with me, and was also pressed into service. As our first task, we had to climb to the top of a small island mountain, and attract the attention of the hostile natives on the other side. Which we did, and then made a mad dash back to our submarine (which we had instead of a proper pirate ship, although it was made of wood, and did have a small mast to hoist the Jolly Roger). First task completed successfully, we went back to our secret cove, and celebrated with lots of alcoholic beverages. However, I failed to tell the Captain that I had dropped my ID tag at the top of the mountain, and that the natives had found it and were hunting down our merry band as we partied. I got in lots of trouble for that later, and more piratical hijinks ensued, although I don't remember them as clearly as the earlier parts of the dream.

Oddly enough, throughout the dream I was choking on a pin that I had somehow inhaled at the very beginning, while I removed hundreds of them from Dave's back. It scratched at my throat the entire time, and I kept coughing and gagging, trying to get it out, because I didn't want it to wreak havoc on the lungs or GI tract. Once I woke up, I realized that my throat really was sore, and that I had a small, pea-sized lump on the right side, just far back enough that I could barely prod it with my index finger. I said, "Aha! So that's what all of that pin nonsense was about!". It's funny when dreams take current events into account.

I'm going to ask my Mommy for some antibiotics.

Also of note, my dog is still missing. I'm fairly sure by this point that I'm not getting her back. I hope that some family kidnapped her and is spoiling her rotten, because I don't like to contemplate the alternatives.

Bemusedly yours,

~Archivist Blue

I changed my journal title. Apparently, this is post-worthy.

Move along.

~Archivist Blue

PS... My dog is also missing. Trying not to panic while I wait for whoever took her in to realize that she is poorly mannered, and that they would very much like to return her to her previous owner. Before she destroys their house. :(

Still happening!

Even though I haven't done shit for a costume yet. I may cheap out, and just reuse one of my old ones, despite my desperate desire for ninjadom.

When: October 27th, 4:00pm - 10:00pm (possibly later, if I'm not dead tired)
Where: My place! If you don't know where I live, e-mail me! (archivistblue@yahoo.com)
What to bring: Yourself, a costume, a sense of humor, and allergy pills if you need them, as my house is overrun with a dog and two cats. Stuff to watch, food, and booze are completely optional, but welcome if you want to put in the money/effort.

In the meantime, I will strive to make my house not-a-sty.

Peace,

~Becky

So, I've spent so much time looking up information on and trying to build my own ball-jointed dolls, that it's warping my brain.

I was struck by it this afternoon, in combination with my anime geekery, as I was catching up on the most recent episodes of Naruto: Shippuden. I was watching as Sasori of the Red Sands unveiled his puppet body, and my first thought was, "What a terrible doll design! Those joints make no sense! He wouldn't even be able to bend his elbows!"...

Talk about suspension of disbelief failing in all of the wrong ways ^.^;;

Speaking of which, Britt, I know that we discussed a theme for the Halloween party already, but I may just have to go as a ninja this year. Because I definitely feel a ninja phase coming on.

I blame Naruto, crack ninja soap opera that it is.

Peace,

~Archivist Blue

Exactly what the title says it is.

Know that I am doing reasonably well, and that I suck at keeping in touch just as much as I always have.

Peace,

~Archivist Blue

PS... Anyone up for a Halloween party at my place this year? The evening of Saturday the 27th, perhaps? (Also, would you care for even more information to be imparted to you in the form of a question?)

As of Tuesday, Dave and I are back together. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping for the best, but proceeding very slowly and cautiously.

If he flakes out on me again, we're done for good.

Still, right now I'm content. I think that it helps tremendously that in the time that we've been apart, I've learned a lot about being my own person, and making my own happiness.

In craft-related news, I have started making a ball-jointed anthro dog doll. He's still very much a work in progress, but I'm going to try and make him a polished project, as I want to use him to practice mold making and casting. I need to take some pictures, but right now I'm re-doing his legs any way. I've named him Basram ^_^

Peace,

~Becky

Today was, despite being tiring, a good day. Not because work was particularly fulfilling, or because I'm doing anything fun this evening, but because I feel like I've suddenly let go of a lot of issues.

Maybe I'm a superstitious person who relies overmuch on signs and ritual (which is funny, because I'm a determined agnostic), but I felt like I had a clear indication of this sudden improvement in my mental well-being this afternoon.

I had just finished cleaning my last room for the day, in the only fully enclosed building in the motel. I was taking my buggy full of dirty laundry and trash out into the parking lot, to wheel it to the laundry building, when I noticed that a fledgling sparrow had flown into the building. The poor thing was frantic, and kept flying into windows, bouncing around the hallway and cheeping madly. I calmly left my laundry by the door, and after a few minutes of walking up and down the hallway after the little fellow, I managed to catch him. Luckily, I was able to do so before he hurt himself, or got lost someplace where I couldn't get to him.

I took him outside and let him go. I had forgotten, in the few years since I quit volunteering at CWC, exactly how amazing it is to release a bird by hand. The soft brush of feathers on fingers and wrists, the stirring of air, and the faint tickle of tiny claws pushing off from one's palms. The strange and exhilarating leap in one's ribcage as the animal loses all contact with skin, as if it were carrying your heart with it.

I felt intensely joyful to see him fly off. I realized that I didn't just feel happy at that moment, but that I have been doing increasingly well lately. Even my family and friends have remarked that I seem like a different, much more cheerful person.

I'm going to be just fine.

Peace,

Becky

Yeah. Dave and I were going to be getting married today. How bizarre.

In other news, I'm finishing a 6 day work week, and looking at more of the same for the next two or three weeks, most likely. Some of them are 10 or 11 hour days. I'm definitely starting to pine for two full days off in a row.

At least it's not the kind of job that I have to worry about once I get home, though :)

And I'm down to 175lbs from 200lbs, all since I started this job.

Peace,

~Becky

PS... Instead of sitting around like a sullen, jilted teenager, I went and got my hair cut. Hooray for increasing my cuteness, while simultaneously making an appropriately symbolic gesture!

Introducing the Hearts Rating System! Like stars. Only, you know. Hearts.

*Is lame.*

In celebration of me finally figuring out how to use the heart symbol.

*Is slow.*

Onward!

(And, as usual, this list is far from complete, totally biased, and more than a little bit shippy. Still, I try to include things that people other than myself might actually want to watch.)

X = Hell, no.
♥ ♥ = Meh.
♥ ♥ ♥ = Pretty decent.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ = Fabulous.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ = Rocks my socks!!!

Trigun
( Vegetable Western )

Avatar: The Last Airbender
( We haven't seen shipping wars this bad since Harry Potter. )

Vision of Escaflowne
( My inner eye needs a monocle. )

Serial Experiments Lain
( Thirteen consecutive bad trips. )

Perfect Blue
( Every move you make... )

Rozen Maiden
( A boy and his doll. )

In addition to these AMV recs, you may have also noticed my new icons. Those are of my itty-bitty 4" tall Korean ball-jointed doll, Indivar. Unfortunately, the day after I took the pictures, my dog chewed him into a hundred pieces >.<

I'm in the process of ordering his next incarnation, but aside from the fact that he costs a stupid amount of money, I put more than 12 hours into customizing him the first time around. So he'll never be the same again.

I saw red when I realized what Bentley had done, but she remains unharmed, well-fed, and obnoxiously happy, despite my rage. My fault for leaving him in a room where she could get at him, any way.

Although, really Bentley, are spray varnish and pastel that tasty? My puppy confounds me on a daily basis.

Yours,

~Archivist Blue

I am alive and well, and here with another mountain of AMV recs! (Try not to look so excited peoples ^.^;;)

My (extremely biased and slightly shippy) recs list for various fandoms. Not complete by any stretch of the imagination. Assume that there are series spoilers in any video that I rec, because I'm too lazy to differentiate.

I may or may not like the music for these. I'll rec a good video, even if I hate the song, or pass over a crappy vid with music that I love.

Naruto
( Ninja Soap Opera )

Full Metal Alchemist
( I've lost five gallons of blood, but it's only a flesh wound! )

Yami no Matsuei
( (Not even a little bit ambiguously) GAY )

Loveless
( Virgins with tales, err tails. )

Sailor Moon
( Instant Nostalgia )

Miscellaneous
( These videos can sit together at the rejects' lunch table. )

Enjoy,

Archivist Blue

After nearly eight years of dating, Dave and I have broken up.

We are remaining friends, and I'll probably still see quite a lot of him. If he sorts some things out, then we may conceivably get back together in the future, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'm very sad about it, and I do love him deeply, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. I can't stay with someone who doesn't know what he wants out of a relationship, or life in general, and who isn't even sure that he loves me. I just can't.

Possibly more on this tomorrow. For now, I am exhausted, and I have work in 6 1/2 hours.

Yours,

~Becky

PS... Don't worry, I'm not about to throw myself off of a bridge or anything. Sad as I am about this, there is a small measure of relief mixed in as well. I can cope.

Despite my parents' strained protests and paranoid concerns, I have finally landed myself a job. Nothing glamorous, as this is the first 'real' job that I've had.

I am now part of the housekeeping staff at the Autoport Motel. Physically demanding, but not nearly as bad as it sounds. Starting pay is about $7.00/hr, which doesn't suck as much as actual minimum wage, and we occasionally get tipped. I've heard that the tips can be a pretty substantial part of one's income during football season, and we aren't required to report them the way the waitstaff are.

Plus, I've heard that they lay off most of the staff after Christmas every year, so if I'm still there by then I'll be able to collect unemployment while looking for a classier job.

I will say that the main downside is that, working at a motel, I never want to stay in one ever again. They may look reasonably clean, but they are a far cry from sanitary.

I still get most of my money for living expenses from my parents, for awhile at least, so I'm going to enjoy a few months of buying totally frivolous crap with my paycheck. This year has been a bitch, and the few before it weren't all kittens and roses, either, so I'm not going to feel guilty over indulging myself a bit right now.

Probably the best part about getting hired was that I didn't know a single person there, and they still hired me the first day, despite my lack of references. I had only been looking for work for about 5 days, too. I'm sure they were fairly desperate, but still, it was nice to know that my parents didn't pull any strings to get me a job. My step-father didn't think that I could do it, and he's still convinced that I'm going to be fired within a week because of my 'attitude problem' and 'lack of respect for authority'. He was predictably shocked when I told him that my higher-ups had nothing but good things to say about me on my first day.

Even Dave thought that it would take me a few weeks to find work, submitting no less than three applications per day.

Peoples' faith in me is really fucking touching >.<

Times like these remind me that my self-esteem issues may be external as well as internal.

But still, quite happy right now. And I'll be even happier on Friday, when I get paid for the first time ^_^

Peace

~Archivist Blue

PS. Yes, I know that it's pathetic to be 23 and only now having a starting job. Every time I made noises about getting one in the past, my mom and Carl were complete basket cases about it. I have decided that I am sick and tired of their unhealthy habit of encouraging my dependence on them, unintentional though it probably is, and want to be my own person, with my own life.

I also really need to move far, far away.

Or, you know, at least far enough away that you can't practically throw a stone from my house, and hit theirs >.

Thanks to my delightfully thoughtful and snuggly boyfriend, I now have an MP3 player. Huzzah! Now the Magnetic Fields and their 69 Love Songs can travel with me everywhere I go. Earbuds, however, are annoying.

My knee is finally starting to heal, as well. Another thing to celebrate.

My Sculpey doll project is coming along, albeit slowly. I'll try to get some pictures when it's not raining, and when my knee is a bit better.

*Dances in an embarrassing fashion to the hypnotic noises coming from The Technology.*

Yours,

Archivist Blue